Deuce
by dormiensa
Summary: Seamus and Pansy are threatening to call off their wedding.  Family and friends are begging another Gryffindor-Slytherin pair to help negotiate.


Hermione finally put away the bottle and burped Loks. She stared across at Seamus and Pansy, who had been silent ever since being told the purpose of their get-together. The two were sitting scowling and facing away from one another. Hermione sighed and looked at Draco. She sighed again. Only a Malfoy could affect such nonchalance with a baby tucked safely in the crook of his arm.

"Pansy, Seamus, I know it was a very underhanded thing to charm our owls into Portkeys and whisk you here without your consent, but you must know that we were given to understand you would not have come willingly, seeing as your family and your wedding party have failed to do so." Seamus glared; Pansy did not even turn her head. "You've had your disagreements in the past; in fact, I distinctly remember at least three occasions where you were adamant that things were over between you. Yet, you've worked things out, and now you're planning to get married. Surely there's nothing so dire that can't be resolved!"

The cold-shouldering continued. Seamus did seem a bit shame-faced, but he stubbornly refused to say a word, probably wanting his fiancée to speak first. Pansy still affected that she heard not a word. Hermione looked at Draco. He raised a mocking eyebrow, but, instead of attempting negotiations, he looked down at Emma and started playing with her until she giggled non-stop.

"That's my sweet girl! Now, does Daddy's little sweeting think she can cheer up grumpy Auntie Pansy? Yes, let's go and remind Auntie Pansy how to smile, shall we, _minou_?" Draco proceeded to unceremoniously thrust Emma into Pansy's arms. Pansy gaped but couldn't resist a grin when Emma continued her stream of incomprehensible babbling. Emma accepted the kisses as her due and allowed herself to be snuggled against Auntie Pansy's soft silk blouse. She seemed displeased that Uncle Seamus was not paying similar homage to her - for he sat like one Petrified - and scolded him. Uncle Seamus came out of his dreamy stasis and wiggled her foot until she giggled.

"You can have one of those of your own to play with soon enough, but first, there are some issues about the wedding that need to be resolved." Both heads snapped up at Draco's drawling words. Hermione hid her grin in Loks' curly head. "Finnigan?"

"We - we couldn't agree on the colour scheme," Seamus grumbled, "Red and green are just too Christmas-y." "And tacky," Pansy put in.

Hermione willed her eyes not to roll. "Well, what about green? Green for Slytherin and Ireland. And Pansy, remember how you said you liked that silver mesh material I'd used at one of my dinner parties? You could always get a gold one as the accent for the green. A bit of Irish gold to complement the main colour scheme." Seamus and Pansy looked thunderstruck.

"Was that all? I somehow thought the issues would be more dire, like whether to seat former Death Eaters like my parents with the Weasleys, so as to promote interclass unity, or keep them segregated like we all were prior to the Dark Lord's defeat."

"Draco!"

"It's not an unusual dilemma. We fought over the seating arrangements, too, for the twins' celebration, remember?"

"Yes, but I wish you could phrase things with more tact. And might I remind you that we resolved that problem, just like I'm sure Seamus and Pansy can resolve whatever problems they still have with the planning of their wedding. Now, Pansy, what other things did you have difficulties agreeing on?"

"Tact doesn't exist in his vocabulary. It comes from being a spoiled only child all these years. I don't know how you put up with him sometimes."

"Same way all Gryffindors put up with Slytherins: with forebearance. And, in Hermione's case, plenty of hexes."

"Seamus, I really don't think - "

"Forebearance, is it? How noble of you to have to put up with me, then! Maybe if we called the whole thing off, you won't have to put up with anything - "

"She hexed Zabini in Fifth so badly that his girlfriend almost dumped him for his poor performance, Finnigan, so I wouldn't talk about hexes to Panse. And stop snarking at each other like a pair of badgers, you're upsetting my daughter." Indeed, Emma had started to fret. Draco grabbed her and began walking about the room to soothe her.

Hermione tried to steer things back to safer waters. "Pansy, you were about to tell us what other issue you were struggling with?"

"We don't have problems with the seating arrangements, seeing as my family aren't former Death Eaters," Pansy glared at the pacing Draco, "And Seamus and I rather thought your seating plan quite clever, so we've adopted it. We were arguing about the music for our first dance. Seamus wants some quick-paced Irish jig, but I couldn't possibly dance something like that with the gown and jewels and everything."

"It's tradition!"

"_Your_ tradition, perhaps! And I told you why I couldn't agree. Don't you think my reason fair, Hermione?"

"Well, Seamus, it _is_ cumbersome to even move about in the gown. What about Pansy changing into something more practical afterwards? You can _still_ have the dance to uphold tradition, but it just won't be the first dance. Besides, many of the Irish are following the modern tradition of the first dance being the slow dance, so I'm sure your relatives won't disapprove."

"Fine. But I get to choose the song!"

"I reserve the right to veto!"

Hermione intervened quickly. "What song did you have in mind, Seamus?"

"The last one we danced to at the Ministry fundraiser ball last year." Pansy was surprised but not displeased. She nodded acceptance.

Hermione was very pleased with their progress. She felt that a small break would be beneficial and magicked the snack that she'd prepared from the kitchen. Draco had joined them again, having convinced Emma to take a short nap. Loks had been observing his daddy and sister as they roamed the room, and he was now impatient to get some exercise as well. Hermione was relieved that Emma did not stir during the exchange and leaned back into the sofa to maximize comfort for them both.

After seeing Seamus pour Pansy her second cup of tea, Hermione felt it safe to reconvene their discussion. She prompted Seamus.

"There's just the one about where to go for our honeymoon. I wanted to just relax on a beach somewhere in Italy or South France, but Panse wants to go sight-seeing and shopping in Paris."

"It's our _honeymoon_! We can sit on a beach anytime!"

"Well, you can also go shopping in Paris anytime. You've already been there twice this year to get your wedding clothes!"

"Fine, we'll skip the shopping. There's plenty to do in Paris in any case."

"Why do we have to _do_ anything anyway? It's our honeymoon! You know, stay in bed, relax from the wedding stuff!"

"We can't stay in bed _all day_ - "

"You underestimate his stamina, Panse. And if My-own's any indication of what Gryffindors are like in bed . . . "

"Draco, honeymoons don't revolve around sex, you know. And we didn't have sex _all the time_ either. We saw the monuments, visited the local marketplace, walked the museums - "

"Only because you dragged me everywhere with you! Finnigan's got the right idea: rest and relaxation for a week."

"If you're going to go somewhere new, you have to maximize on the experience!"

"We could've stayed at one of my parents' properties in France or even rented a hotel room somewhere and stayed in - would've worked for me!"

"Yeah! Listen to Malfoy! All that running around 'getting cultured' is just a bother! Room service, maybe dinner at the local pubs . . . I have simple needs."

"Well, sitting in a dimly-lit, smoke-filled hole full of drunkards is certainly _not_ romantic! You men are always saying we kill the mood with incessant talking. Well, nothing kills the mood quite as effectively as a bunch of drunken men getting into brawls about who can drink the other under the table!"

"Agreed, Pansy. I can't believe you dragged Pansy to a pub, Seamus!"

"What? She said she wanted to see what it was like hanging out with the boys!"

"Well, you can hang out with the boys all you want - _on your own_ - from now on."

"You're a lucky man, Finnigan. I got suckered into shopping day with the girls. You _definitely_ don't want to get talked into that. _Ever." _

_"_I did _not_ drag you shopping that day! We were meeting for lunch; afterwards, you insisted on walking me to the store where I was meeting them. And _you_ were the one that wanted to see me in the dress in the window display!"

"I ended up seeing _all of you_ model that dress for me! I most certainly didn't ask for that! And the Weaslette looked _horrible_ in the green. My poor eyes!"

"Ginny in green ain't the worst, Malfoy. Ever see that awful fuchsia and purple number that Panse's mum - "

"Oh, Merlin, don't remind me! Nearly burned off my eyeballs! Thank Morgana your tastes are better, Panse. Wouldn't've put up with you all these years, otherwise. Although that pink frilly thing you wore for your seventh birthday - "

"Pink? Pansy? But she hates pink! Never wears it!"

"That's because Draco and the other boys teased me about it, and when I threatened to not give them cake, they splattered me with mud!"

"Hahaha! Wish that I were there. Hey, Malfoy, got that memory to show me?"

"Show him, Draco, and I'm tell them what you said that one night when you got horribly drunk . . . "

"Easy, Panse! I'll keep that memory locked up. Sorry, Finnigan. But hey, if you ask Panse's mum for the photos from that birthday, I'm sure she has a picture of that pink disaster."

"You, Draco Malfoy, are an unscrupulous bastard!"

"You forgot arrogant, sneaky, manipulative, and mean, Pansy."

"That makes you _M__rs._ Arrogant, Sneaky, Manipulative, and Mean."

"So you admit to those things!"

"It's not a Malfoy thing either. All men boast about their short-comings. I don't know why they think that's attractive."

"We don't boast about our short-comings! We just accept and respect who we are. You women are forever wanting to change us into something we're not."

"And what's wrong with trying to make you into a better person, Seamus? I think Pansy's done a marvellous job curbing that temper of yours."

"And you've made Draco _just_ civilized enough to be functional around normal people. It's truly a feat, Hermione. And don't think my 'just' is a criticism of you; that you could civilize him at all is a miracle!"

"You know, I've just about had it being insulted in my own home _and_ with my wife taking an active part in it. What say we round up some men for a game of Quidditch, Finnigan? We'll leave the women to sort out the rest of the tedious wedding details."

"You're on, Malfoy! I'll see if Ron's free - he has access to the canons' pitch, being one of their few fans . . . "

"Draco, are you forgetting something?"

"No, my broom and all my equipment are in my study, like always. I was just going to grab them."

"And how were you going to secure your son to your body and protect him?"

"Oh. Right. You go to Auntie Pansy, my boy. Your Mummy thinks you're too young to be flying with Daddy. But don't worry, once you can walk, I'm getting you your first broom."

"Draco, we discussed this! We are not - "

"He likes being on a broom! Just the other day, Potter and Weasley were teasing that it's his Gryffindor spirit showing - "

"Oh, so you'll agree with Harry and Ron when it comes to danger and going behind my back when I _specifically_ told you I didn't want Loks - "

"Forget it, Hermione. There's no point reasoning with boys about brooms and Quidditch. I grew up with male cousins. Just dress Emma up in red and gold every day for a month."

"Panse! you - "

"Better yet, since Loks is showing such Gryffindor spirit, dress _him_ in red and gold for a month."

"Why, you - you - "

"Calm it, Malfoy. You know what her tongue's like. How 'bout this: when she births a son, preferably with blond hair and freckles, you can be his godfather and show him all the tricks to rebel against his mum."

"Seamus Finnigan - "

"Deal! You go on and gather your crew, Finnigan. We'll meet at Potter's."


End file.
